


Came Here to Win

by huxduxtuxlux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Co-workers to lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, M/M, Multi, PAs rey and jess, Reality TV, The Bachelor AU, bachelor snoke, camera man techie, everyone is grossed out, more interesting things but i dont want it to get spoilery, producer phasma, reality show drama, reality show host poe dameron, sound guy matt, sugar daddy snoke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:04:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huxduxtuxlux/pseuds/huxduxtuxlux
Summary: Six young men are competing for the affections of a wealthy bachelor on an exciting new reality TV show. They didn't expect, however, for their bachelor to be quite so...ancient.74 year old mogul Rutherford Snoke is looking for a new companion, and ambitious Armitage Hux and validation-hungry Kylo Ren are the frontrunners for Snoke's affections. However, Hux and Ren have their own sordid history to sort out. Meanwhile, the other contestants are turning their affections elsewhere, and the charming host Poe Dameron may be caught in the middle of the drama.Offstage, producer Phasma Thorvaldsen is doing everything she can to produce the juiciest drama ever to air on television. It's tough, though, when her crew his distracted with their own infatuations: The sound guy and the camera tech won't stop staring at each other, and her Production Assistants keep winding up in bed together.Competition. Sex. Drama. Love. Anger. Drunk Fights. Throwing Sand at People.What a fucking mess.





	1. One

Phasma Thorvaldsen could not afford another failed series on her hands. After America’s Next Top Karaoke Star flopped like a dying fish, she knew her next project better be a major success, or she’d be done. D-O-N-E. And at only 35, she was not ready to retire into obscurity.

She’d pitched it as The Bachelor meets The Girls Next Door, but gay. The execs ate it up. Typical. Something about easy-to-sell-to demographics. Phasma rolled her eyes but glowed inside, pleased her idea would become a reality.

Show. A reality show.  _ A New Kind of Bachelor _ , Tuesdays on ABC.

And that twist! That drama causing twist that would keep viewers glued to their screens! The contestants not knowing anything about the bachelor until they meet him. Many of them will be angry, disgusted when they see who they’re there to compete for. Yes. Talk about juicy, blog-worthy television. 

With casting complete, she had just a few days to get the location secured and bring in her crew. Then, it would be showtime.

  
  


When Armitage Hux arrived at the big glass house on the beach, he knew this experience would be quite a treat. The waves lapping on the shore, the long, fully-stocked bar out back, the luxurious furniture throughout the house. A nice vacation from mindless data entry and his little box of a studio apartment. _Not a vacation_ , he scolded himself. _A competition. If you win this, you can vacation for the rest of your life._ Winning this is winning the golden ticket to the lap of luxury. To leisure. To no more stressing over bills. A lifetime of wealth and a handsome man were his prize. He wasn’t going to lose.

He was greeted by a man close to his own age, short, with dark curly hair, golden skin, and a winning smile. Was this the bachelor?  _ Score _ , thought Hux. He could certainly work with this.

“Welcome, Armitage!” The man shot out a hand and Hux shook it, pumping firmly and dragging long slender fingers across smooth skin. A good first impression was key. “My name is Poe Dameron, I’m the host!”

_Shit_ , thought Hux. Not the bachelor. Bummer.

“Hi, thank you.” Hux said, tucking his offending hand back in his pocket. “I prefer to go by Hux, though, actually.”

“Hux it is!” Poe exclaimed, and now Hux wondered how he had ever mistaken this bubbly man for the bachelor. The guy had Game Show Host written all over him.

Just as Poe was beginning to launch into his spiel about the house rules, the squeak of a busted suitcase wheel interrupted them, and from round the corner came a tall, built man with pale as snow skin, shoulder-length black hair, and a Banana Republic Goth wardrobe. Unpleasant heat flooded Hux’s body. Fuck, thought Hux. 

“You.” The new entrant said, venom in his thick, deep voice. 

“Kylo Fucking Ren.” Hux said between gritted teeth.

“Oh good!” Poe said, ever-cheerful and oblivious to the obvious tension. “You two already know each other!”

Hux and Kylo stared each other down, like dogs preparing for a fight to the death. “Un-fucking-fortunately,” Kylo practically hissed, brushing past them and making his way towards the bathroom.

Hux silently cursed whatever higher power got a sick pleasure out of fucking him over day after day. This was going to be a long six weeks.


	2. Two

Before Poe could ask Hux about his past with Ren, two new contestants arrived. The first was short and shy with closely cropped dark hair and very pale skin. He wore khaki shorts and introduced himself as Dopheld Mitaka. Hux pitied him immediately—poor kid would be eaten alive. Following him was Jonah Thannison, tall, pretty faced and, Hux could already tell, slutty. It was like looking at himself 10 years ago. Too-thin tank top, short shorts, hair ready to flutter in the wind, and that hungry look in his eyes. He was the youngest contestant so far, only 20. Hux felt a little threatened. Jonah was the hotter, newer, less hairy model. Though Hux certainly had something Jonah didn’t—intelligence.

“So how does this work? We get like date cards and whatever and pick who we want to go to the fantasy suite with? Who’s in charge here? Do you have dairy-free yogurt?” Jonah’s annoying questions went on and on and Hux tuned him out, turning to Mitaka to introduce himself. Suddenly, he felt something whack his head. Looking up, he saw the boom mic bobbing directly above him, then glanced over at the operator, who was clearly distracted.

“Ahem,” said Hux. “Excuse me?”   

“Cut!” Phasma shouted, entering the living room. She pulled Hux aside, checked him over and waved over a makeup lady to fix his hair, then turned her attention to a large blond man with coke bottle glasses in the corner. The boom mic operator. “Matt! What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m sorry!” His voice was low, bass-like. Kind of reminded Hux of someone, though he couldn’t place who. “I just—”

“Is it too heavy for you? Are your muscles atrophying?”

“No, ma’am. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Sorry, Mr. Hux,” he called, too, dipping his head in sincere embarrassment. Phasma sighed in exasperation.

“Whatever. Let’s keep rolling. Continue.”

 

Matt the Boom Mic Technician had been afraid of this very thing. From the first production meeting, when he saw the pretty redhead for the first time, Matt had a feeling distractions might get in the way of his job. Unfulfilled ones, of course. He didn’t expect the gorgeous camera operator to return his interest. But he sure was nice to look at.

Magnetic, really. Matt felt his eyes drawn right to the lanky frame, the long red hair, the insanely bright blue eyes. The camera tech was named Ian, but everyone called him Techie, and he had the loveliest smile Matt had ever laid eyes on. He’d do anything to speak to him, Matt thought. Anything but going over to him and starting a conversation.

So, extra embarrassed but now extra focused, Matt resumed holding the boom mic and following the stars speaking. Hux, one of the contestants, sort of looked like Techie, he thought. An older, more cynical, and more put-together version. Same shade of red hair, same catlike shape of the eyes, same full lips. They could be brothers, he thought. But Matt had no interest in button-up here-for-the-money Hux. It was the young, shy, freckled surfer dude with a penchant for sci-fi and comic-books (if the stickers and buttons on his bag and laptop were any indication) that Matt had eyes for. 

Matt fantasized about being The Bachelor, and having Techie be one of the contestants competing for his love. Matt would try to be fair, act like the other contestants had a chance, but the moment he saw Techie it would’ve been all over. He’d say that at the finale, with the final rose. Something well-rehearsed like  _ I’ve met a lot of amazing people throughout this amazing experience. But you, Techie. You were always The One. From the moment you entered the house I knew you were special. Will you accept my final, eternal rose? _ Or something like that.

He felt the pull of gravity on the boom again. He corrected it before anyone else noticed. Pay attention, he scolded himself. You can’t lose this job before you even talk to the guy.

 

Phasma paced at the monitors. Her boom operator was an idiot, two of the contestants hated each other (good potential for drama, of course, but what if one threatened to leave the show?), and two more had yet to show up, despite being due an hour before. The awkward small talk of Hux and Dopheld, the too-obvious and cringeworthy spectacle of Jonah trying to hit on Poe, and the absence of Ren who was hiding in a bedroom…it wasn’t making for great TV. The two contestants that were running late were also, she knew, the potential Mr. Congeniality’s of the show. The charmers. The guys viewers at home will route for. Nice, funny, not-intimidating. Real crowd pleasers. God, where were they??

 


	3. Three

Finally! Out of the limo stepped Finn Harrison and Snap “The Bear” Wexley. Phasma’s stars. The show’s bright spots, to be sure. The other contestants (excluding Kylo Ren) stepped outside to view their entrance. 

Shit, thought Hux. These two were a billion times more likable than him. Cute, too, in different ways. Finn was young and high-energy with smooth dark skin and a million dollar smile. He danced up the steps, beaming with excitement, and immediately went for a handshake-hug combo with Poe.  _ Same mistake I made,  _ thought Hux, figuring Finn must thing Poe is The Bachelor. God, if only. Snap the Bear was probably closer to Hux’s age, maybe even a little older (Hux hoped so—he definitely didn’t want to be the oldest contestant), heavyset but with a handsome face, soft brown waves and a very impressive beard. Lovely grin. He was dressed impeccably, too, in an Armani suit. Clearly wealthy on his own. Well, if things didn’t work out with The Bachelor, maybe Hux could shift his target. Though, he couldn’t get over the stupidity of his nickname-upon-nickname nonsense. 

“Well, now that you’re all here,” Poe said, clapping his hands together, “I’m going to attempt to drag Kylo out of his room and then give our Bachelor a call. He should be over to meet you all shortly.”

Finn looked troubled. “I-it’s not you?”

Poe smiled and shook his head, giving Finn a fond nudge. “Nope, sorry to disappoint, I’m just your host, Poe Dameron.” Finn looked embarrassed, so Poe gave him a gentle shoulder squeeze. “Don’t be embarrassed, buddy. Based on the look Hux here gave me, I don’t think you were the only one to make that mistake.”

Hux tried to smile and shrug. God. Could they just hurry up and meet the Bachelor already???

  
  


Phasma and her PAs, Rey and Jess, were going over the contestant’s intro videos, looking for any last-minute edits that needed to be made. A couple crew members who were on their lunch break crowded around, too, curious to see the contestants in their natural habitats. Matt stood behind Jess’s chair, munching on pizza, and noticed Techie walk over and lean against a table, a Cup of Noodles in his hand. 

“Alright, first up,” Phasma said, setting up the tape, “Kylo Ren.”

_ Cheesy instrumental music. A shot of Kylo Ren standing shirtless on the beach. Kylo Ren narrating: “My name is Kylo Ren, I’m 29 years old, and I’m from San Diego, California.” _

_ Montage of Kylo playing drums, lifting weights, and teaching karate to children. Kylo narrating: “I’m a martial arts instructor, and I play in a punk band called Knights n Knives.” Shot of Kylo onstage in his goth punk get up. Narrating: “People often look at me and think I’m scary, or sad. I’m not. I’m a nice person just trying to make the most of this life.” _

_ Shot of Kylo playing with a large brown dog. Shot of Kylo in interview chair. “My passion can be kind of intimidating. I’m looking for someone to match it. And if someone’s gonna have a TV show about them finding love, they’ve gotta be passionate, right?” _

_ Music wraps up with another shirtless beach shot that pans from toe to head. _

 

“Any major issues we need to change?” Phasma asked, clipboard at the ready on her crossed legs. 

“Do you really want to have him saying that people think he’s scary?” Rey asked. “Seems pretty off-putting.”

“It makes him a dark horse. Weird guy worth rooting for.” Phasma stated. “It stays.”

Rey and Jess shrugged. Phasma took that to mean there was nothing more to say about that video, and moved onto the next.

 

_ More cheesy instrumental music. Shot of Los Angeles skyline, then Hux in a fitted gray suit walking in an office building. Shot of Hux in interview chair: “My name is Armitage Hux, I’m 34 years old, I’m originally from Ireland but have spent the last 10 years in Los Angeles.”  _

_ Shot of Hux at his desk, on his phone, laughing inaudibly. Hux narrating (and not sounding so honest): “I work as a data analyst for a marketing firm. You get to meet all sorts of people. It’s really great.” _

_ Shot of Hux in the dance studio on his own. Hux narrating: “I’m also a professionally trained dancer. I actually came to the United States because I was recruited for the New York City Ballet. Unfortunately I suffered a career-ending injury in my second year. I still dance all the time, though. It relaxes me.” Hux in interview chair, winking. “And keeps me flexible.” _

_ Longshot of Hux riding his bike through a park, more casually dressed, then in his home, cooking and talking to his cat. Narrating: “My cat Millicent is basically my child (laughs). The hardest part of this experience will be being away from her for so long.” _

_ Back to Hux in the interview chair. He is disarmingly charming. “I dunno, I’m starting to feel like an old maid. I’m ready to find my person and build a life with them, y’know? And Grindr just isn’t cutting it (laughs).” Music wraps. _

“Even though I feel like he was lying most of the time, I kind of like him,” said Jess. Rey snorted and gave a nod.

“Don’t you think he looks like Techie?” Matt blurted before he realized what he was doing. Shit. Now everyone, Techie included, knew that he  _ thought _ about  _ Techie _ . And looked at him long enough to draw comparisons! Phasma, Rey, Jess, Techie, and a couple other crew members looked at him, surprised. Most hadn’t heard him speak before. Then they all swiveled their heads towards Techie, who blushed at the sudden attention and stared into his noodles. 

Matt heard himself talking again before he could stop it. “A different, like, aesthetic, of course, and that guy’s a lot older than Techie. But, um. The face is very similar. And the hair and the, uh, b-body…” Matt had that familiar feeling of wishing he’d never spoken, nor taken this job, nor been born. He took a deep breath. It felt like an eternity before someone spoke.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Rey said.

And then everyone returned their attention to the monitor, where Phasma was starting up Mitaka’s tape.

And it was over. And it was as if Matt didn’t exist again. Okay. Good.

But then. Then he felt eyes on him. While everyone else watched Mitaka talk on and on about how rewarding his job as a middle school math teacher is, Techie was watching Matt, like he was an algebra equation on a chalkboard. Matt glanced out of the corner of his eye, deathly afraid to make eye contact. But it happened. God, Techie’s eyes were  _ blue.  _ Techie smiled, a shy, closed-mouth grin, and then returned his attention to his noodles.

Matt was drenched in sweat.

 


	4. Four

**** The limo was pulling up. In less than a minute, they would see their Bachelor. Their potential future. Hux did something he never did—prayed, internally, that the man wouldn’t be a complete idiot. He would be good looking, he knew, the Bachelors always were. And he’d be wealthy, and decently charming. The intelligence, however, was a big variable. Maybe hoping for a brain was asking too much.

Poe came down the stairs, dragging Kylo by the hand. He kept on his million dollar smile. “Now, Kylo, if you’re going to be dramatic you ought to do it in front of the cameras, with other people, eh? Not cooped up in your room.”

“Whatever,” Kylo mumbled.

The contestants and Poe all stood in front of the bay window, watching and waiting. Kylo took up space as far away from Hux as possible.  _ Works for me,  _ thought Hux. What may not work for him, however, was how few contestants there were. Could there really only be six of them? Didn’t the regular Bachelor have like 25? While it certainly increased his chances of winning, Hux couldn’t help but dwell on how much time he’d have to spend with Kylo as a result. Not enough people to act as buffers. Well, if Kylo was still as he remembered him, he wouldn’t be here too long.

“Oh my god, the door’s opening!” Jonah bounced on his toes. Everyone’s laser-focus turned to the limo. Here he was, oh my god, a fine shoe hitting the ground, here he comes, oh god oh god oh god

“Seriously?!” Finn said aloud.

A few of the other contestants mumbled things like “shit,” and “I left Hector for this?!” But Hux said nothing. In fact, he  _ smiled _ . This was going to be even easier than he thought.

The Bachelor tried to stand tall, but his frail old body made it hard. He was nearly bald, with odd gray patches of hair here and there, a face that looked like a diseased potato, and a general pallor of death. The poor man was post-geriatric. Hux had a hard time guessing ages of people over 50, but his best estimate put this decrepit creature at 75 or 80. With an obnoxiously ornate cane, the old man hobbled up towards the doors, while Poe rushed out to help him.

“This is a joke, right?” Finn asked again, hoping someone would jump out, yell “punk’d!” and then they’d meet the real guy.

“I’m afraid not, man,” Snap the Bear shook his head solemnly. “Afraid not.”

“What do  _ you _ care?” Jonah snapped at Snap. “You’re almost as old as him anyway!”

“Ladies, ladies. Relax,” said Hux. “No infighting till the second week, eh?”

“Thank god I didn’t unpack yet,” said Finn. Mitaka, Jonah, and Snap all nodded in agreement. They noticed, however, that Kylo and Hux did not.

“Wha—are you guys cool with this?!” Mitaka asked, incredulous.

Kylo shrugged and said nothing. Hux said, “we haven’t met the man yet. I think he deserves a fair chance. He may be lovely.”

“He’s ancient,” said Jonah.

“Everything’s ancient to  _ you _ , Doogie Howser,” said Snap. 

“Who?!”

“Oh, gentlemen!” Poe called upon re-entering the house, interrupting the small ageist spat gaining traction in the living room. “Are you ready to meet your Bachelor?”

Murmurs and sighs were the response. Poe acted cheery as ever. “He’s a multimillionaire, a chess aficionado, and he has the best cross-stitch technique around! Ladies and gentleman, Mister Rutherford Q. Snoke!”

Hux clapped eagerly, Kylo clapped with less energy. The rest made no sound nor movement at all. Snoke didn’t seem to notice. “I’m very looking forward to getting to know you all!” Snoke said. “I wish I could stay for introductions and drinks now, but I have to go talk to my doctor about switching my arthritis medication. Get a good night’s sleep, boys, for tomorrow, we shall party!” 

Hux had a feeling that Snoke’s definition of “party” was sitting in an armchair, drinking Scotch, and listening to old Sinatra records. Which, honestly, didn’t sound so horrible. The other men exchanged horrified glances as Snoke hobbled away, but Hux felt his smile growing. No, he wouldn’t find his Perfect Husband™, but here was a great First Husband™ in Snoke, that would leave him a Wealthy Handsome Widower™ in five years time. Then Hux could buy love from whoever he damn well pleased.

** This was better than he had hoped for. **


	5. Five

“I did NOT see that comin’!” Some crew member was saying as they all stood around the snack table, chatting through their 15 minute break. Matt nodded, eager to be agreeable.

“Okay,” someone else said, “everyone be honest. If you were a contestant, would you stay after that, or get the hell out?”

There were answers on both sides, the “stays” saying they’d only be on the show for attention anyway, or that they “didn’t see age.” The “go’s” seemed to really believe every contestant was really searching for a husband and true love, and that if someone was too old to be your partner for long, it wasn’t worth it. Matt was a “go,” though he didn’t expand much on it.

“Ay yo, Techie!” one of the other camera ops called as the redhead walked past the table. “Help us settle something, we’re at a tie.”

Techie cautiously walked towards the rest of the crew, twisting his water bottle cap in his hand nervously. “What’s up?”

“If you were a contestant and you just found out that the Bachelor is that old dude, would you stay on the show and see what happened, or would you be nope the fuck out of there?”

A ripple of movement went across Techie’s face as he considered the question. “Well, I don’t really think I’d go on The Bachelor in the first place,” he began. 

“The Bachelorette, then,” a PA said, “an old lady.”

“It’s not  _ that _ , I just don’t think I’d look for love on reality TV.”

Matt couldn’t stop himself—he was in the middle of his sentence before he realized what he was saying. “But to clarify: If you  _ were _ going to look for love on reality TV, would it be The Bachelor or the Bachelorette?” Goddamnit, Matt thought. Again with everyone staring at him for saying shit he shouldn’t say. He needed to start wearing a muzzle.

Techie’s face flushed red. “I think I would stay,” he said, sidestepping Matt’s question. “But only because I think one could find love with someone else in the house, you know? It happened to those ladies in Australia.” Techie shrugged and stuffed some pretzels in his mouth, his signal to everyone else that he had nothing more to say on the matter.

“Good point,” said Rey. “We should start placing bets. Who do you think’s gonna hook up with who on the show? Since obviously no one’s going to hook up with Snoke.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Jess said. “Kylo and Hux both seem pretty in it to win it.”

Another crew member shook their head. “Nuh-uh. Those two. Ren and Hux. They’re gonna end up together.”

“What?!” Rey exclaimed. “They hate each other!”

“I know one thing for sure,” Jess said. “They’re ALL gonna try to fuck Dameron.”

“True,” said a bunch of others around the table. And Matt may have been mistaken, but he swore he heard a small, Techie-like voice saying “who wouldn’t?” in between crunchy bites.


	6. Six

Hux changed into shorts and a tee shirt, helped himself to a cocktail and a magazine, and found a spot on the beach to lounge. He was looking at the Celebrity Horoscopes when Finn and Snap sat down in the nearby beach chairs.

“Are we allowed to leave?” Finn was asking as he settled in. “Like, is it in our contract that we have to stay?”

“Nah, I don’t think we have to stay,” Snap said. “But I’m probably going to, anyway.”

“What??” Finn exclaimed. “Really? You’re into  _ that?” _

“No, man, course not, but look at this place. Nice vacation by the beach, gain some new twitter followers. Why rush home?”

“I s’pose you’re right. Not like I’ve got anything exciting to go back to anyhow.” Finn sighed and took a swig of his beer. Then, turning his attention to Hux, he said, “Hey, Red? You’re in this to win it, aren’t you?”

Hux smiled and adjusted his too-expensive sunglasses. “Indeed I am, gentlemen. And I see no issue with you guys just hanging out, enjoying the drinks and waves while I get myself a husband. We  _ all  _ win.”

“He’s a gold digger,” Snap said. “Aren’tcha?”

“I’m much too old to be a gold digger. I’m simply looking for a partner who can provide security and comfort. I have affection and companionship to give in return.”

Snap smirked and shook his head. “So you’re a  _ smart _ gold digger.”

“Let’s not kid ourselves, here, boys,” Hux sat up. “No one here has pure intentions. You said it yourself, Snap. Vacation and twitter followers. That’s what you’re here for, and that’s totally fine. That Jonah kid is here to get noticed to be a model or something, I bet. Ben—I mean,  _ Ren _ , is here because he craves drama and attention. Poor Mitaka probably got confused and thought he was trying out for Jeopardy. And you…Finn. Hmm. Why are you here?”

Finn seemed taken aback. “For the reason I  _ thought _ we all were here. To find love.”

Hux shook his head. “To find  _ dick _ , you mean. No one really comes on these things for true, pure love. And that’s fine. So let’s not judge each other, eh?”

Snap was still fixated on a slip Hux made 30 seconds ago. “You know Kylo from before this, don’t you?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Our paths have crossed before, yes, unfortunately.”

“Do you have, like,” Finn’s eyes lit up at the opportunity for gossip, “a  _ history? _ ”

“A brief one,” Hux sighed and took another sip of his cocktail. 

“What’s his deal?” Snap asked.

“Like I said, craves drama and attention. He’s immature and over-emotional and has zero self-control. He’ll be gone in a week. An old man like Snoke doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with a little tyrant like that.”

Just then, the chimes on the back door rang, signaling that someone was coming out to join them on the beach. The three men glanced behind them to see Kylo stepping out in red swim trunks, a board under his arm.

“Damn, though,” Finn said quietly. “He’s fucking built.”

“Not worth it, dear boy,” Hux told Finn, gathering his things and getting up. “Not worth it at all.”

Finn and Snap shared a disbelieving glance. The watched Hux walk up towards the house, directly in Kylo’s path, daring him to play chicken. Every inch that closed between them was filled with tension. Neither cared to move, and their eyes were locked in a stare that would set anyone else afire. Finally they made contact, their shoulders whacking together, both stumbling slightly. But they walked on as if nothing happened. Kylo ran down the sand and into the water, and Hux went into the house for a snack.

“Alright, we’ve got a new mission,” Snap said when both of the dueling men were out of earshot.

“Find out what happened there?” Finn asked.

“Yup.”

“I have a second mission, too.” Finn admitted, a bit shyly.

“Make the host fall in love with you?”

Finn stared at Snap, in awe of his guessing abilities. “Y-yeah.”

Snap grinned and slapped Finn on the back. “May the force be with you.”


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is suuuper NSFW. 18+ only.

The next day, Matt got in early to go over audio from the day before and make sure it was all intelligible. It was always a hassle to get actors, or in this case, contestants, to re-record their dialogue after the fact. But everything was sounding good, so he finished up his notes, took a few bites of his donut, and then felt something light hit his head.

He looked up, then down. A paper airplane sat at his feet, nose bent. The wings said “READ ME.” Matt unfolded the plane.

_ Trailer 3B at 10 a.m. Don’t be late. _

It was signed with only a scribbled heart. Matt looked all around, but saw no one except for the mass of crew members at the snack table at the other side of the room. None were looking his way, and surely the thrower would want to see his reaction, right? So it couldn’t be any of them. Weird. Maybe the plane wasn’t meant for him, he thought. It just veered off course. Blame the wind. It was surely a more reasonable explanation than that a secret admirer wanted to meet him in private…

Unless it wasn’t an admirer! It could be a prankster, a bully. Matt really hoped everyone here was too mature for that, this wasn’t high school, after all. But what if it was? Lure him somewhere private, get him vulnerable, then what? Take embarrassing pictures? Glue his hand to his face? Shave his head???

Paranoia started to take over, and Matt could feel the tingling of an oncoming anxiety attack in his fingers. 

Still, he set an alarm on his phone for 9:50 am. He had to see what this was. Wondering would drive him crazy.

  
  


9:50 rolled around and Matt took a deep breath. This was it. Trailer 3B was located on the east end of the estate, near the boat house. It was a PA trailer, according to the sign on the door. Matt tried to name all the PAs in his head, but only knew Rey and Jess. It definitely wasn’t them, Matt was sure, because he saw them in a storage closet a couple days ago after set-up. There was an older, bearded PA whose name he didn’t know. He really hoped it wasn’t him.

Matt took one tentative step onto the rickety metal stairs. He reached out a hand and knocked on the door. Nothing. He reached out and knocked again, listening close this time for movement inside. He heard a shuffle, movement of weight from one end of the trailer to another. 

The door opened, and there stood Techie.

“Matt. Hi.”

Matt took a full 15 seconds to respond. “Hi!”

“What, uh…what brings you here?”

“I got, uh,” Matt pulled the crumpled note that was once an airplane from his pocket and thrust it into Techie’s hand. “Is that from you?”

Techie shook his head, confused. God his hair was pretty, Matt thought. “No, man, that’s really weird, um…”

“Oh.” Matt straightened and stepped down off the stairs, ready to go. “I’m sorry, I’ll—”

“Matt!” Techie’s mouth cracked into a smile. “I’m messing with you. Come inside.”

Matt stuttered out an “Oh” and followed Techie into the trailer.

It was a crowded space, really. Folding tables covered in notebooks and stacks of paper and other random shit. Techie started walking towards the back, however, and Matt followed. There was a curtain, and behind it, a large couch.

“This is where the PAs break. Nice, isn’t it?” Techie sat down and folded his hands in his lap awkwardly.

“Why are you…how did you get in here?” Matt stood rigid, still paranoid that this was some kind of trick.

“Rey let me in.”

“Why’d she do that?”

“Because she’s my friend and I asked her to?”

“Why?”

“Beeeecause it’s nice to have a quiet space to relax sometimes? When it gets so hectic out there, you know?”

“But why did you want me to meet you here?”

Techie shrugged. “You seem to get stressed out easily. Thought you might like to relax in the quiet.”

Matt shook his head. “That’s not the real reason. Tell me the real reason.”

Techie chuckled nervously. “The real reason? The really real reason?”

Matt nodded. “The really real reason.”

Slowly, Techie stood up, and from there he didn’t have to cover much ground to be nose to nose with Matt. A small but deliberate puff of air slid out of Techie’s mouth, playing at Matt’s. Techie flicked his eyes up to Matt’s, trying to gauge a reaction. Matt just closed his eyes and closed the tiny gap between them. 

Hands ended up in hair. So so soft, Matt repeated over and over in his head. So silky so soft. How how how. Techie pulled away for a second and Matt panicked.

“Can you take these off?” Techie asked softly, tapping the corner of Matt’s glasses. Matt nodded eagerly and did so, folding them carefully and placing them on a shelf. He took Techie’s face in his large hands, but he didn’t lean back in. Quietly, he studied Techie’s face as if trying to solve a puzzle.

“What?” Techie asked.

“I’m so confused.”

“About what?”

“Why did you ask me to meet you here?”

Techie shrugged. “Because you’re obviously into me but too awkward to do anything about it anytime soon. And I’m into you but too impatient to wait for you to work up the courage to say something.”

“Oh.” Matt let go of Techie’s face and sat down on the couch. 

Techie plopped down next to him. “Don’t take that the wrong way.”

“I’m not, I just…was it that obvious I’m into you?”

Techie dropped his voice and clipped his words in an impressive Matt impersonation. “‘Uh, just to clarify, if you were going to find love on reality tv, do you suck cock or what?’”

Matt flushed. “Jesus, pretty sure I didn’t use such vulgar language.”

“Might as well’ve! Everyone knew what you meant.”

“Sorry if I embarrassed you.”  Matt mumbled. “If it makes you feel any better, I embarrassed me, too.”

Techie chuckled and kissed Matt’s cheek. “Just a good thing you’re into a camera tech and not an HR person, huh?” Techie crawled into Matt’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck, initiating a deep kiss. Matt could feel that rumble, that tingle, beginning already. Shit. Keep your cool, Matt, he told himself. Take it easy.

“You’re, um,” Matt pulled away, needing air. “You’re much…bolder than I expected. You always seem so shy.”

“I am shy. But more than that, I’m impatient.”

“How long do we have the trailer?” Techie got off Matt’s lap and stood, pulling off his shirt, then coaxing Matt’s off.

“Till 10:15,” answered Techie. Matt unfastened his belt and then brought his hands to Techie’s to do the same.

“That’s not much time.” Matt said, pushing his jeans off his legs. 

Techie turned around so his back was to Matt and pushed the hips of his jeans downward achingly slow. “Luckily I planned ahead.” The top of…Oh  _ shit. _ Matt could hardly move, he was totally captivated. The top of Techie’s underwear became visible, delicate light purple lace. Matt reached his hands out and took Techie’s soft hips in his hands. As Techie pushed his jeans down further, Matt took in the gorgeous sight of pale and pink soft skin, round under silky purple fabric, and then a noticeable bump in the fabric—  

“You like what you see?,” Techie asked in a mock-sexy voice, stepping out of his pants. Matt simply grunted and nodded. Techie took Matt’s hands in his own and guided them over the lace elastic at his waist, pulling the panties down over the curve of his ass. “I got all prepped and ready before you got here,” Techie said. As the panties came all the way down, Matt saw a plug between Techie’s cheeks. Holy shit. Matt’s mind immediately flashed to Techie in this trailer, on his own, stretching himself out, plugging himself up, thinking about being ready for Matt the whole time. Christ, Matt knew he wasn’t going to last long.

Matt dragged a finger down Techie’s crack. “Am I dead right now? Is this really happening?”

Techie turned around to face him and smiled, leaning in for another kiss. “Why are your boxers still on? Time is of the essence, Matt.”

Matt nodded and scrambled to free himself from the fabric. Techie climbed into his lap and tangled his fingers in Matt’s curls.

“This is all… _ very _ unexpected,” Matt gasped out.

Techie grinned and kissed Matt again. “In a good way?”

“In a fucking fantastic way.”

Techie reached for the condom on the built in shelf and tore open the package in one quick motion. “Don’t get the wrong idea,” Techie said. “I’m actually quite old-fashioned. You’ll only be the fourth guy I’ve been with, if numbers matter to you.”

“Ever?”

Techie nodded, glad of the surprise in Matt’s voice—he loved to seem more experienced than he really was. “Like I said, old-fashioned. So I expect a dinner date in the near future.” Techie rolled the condom onto Matt’s length.

“I’ll buy you a whole goddamn restaurant, Techie. Just get on top of me, please.”

Techie did as asked.


	8. Eight

“We’ve got a powder keg ready to blow,” Phasma said to her producers. “We need to force a prolonged Kylo and Hux interaction.”

“On their own, or in front of the others?” Rey asked, pencil in the air.

“Jess, go to the whiteboard,” Phasma commanded. Jess did so, grabbing her assortment of colored dry erase markers. “Let’s make a pros and cons list. Just them vs. in front of other contestants vs. in front of Snoke.”

The team began to brainstorm.

 

In the house, the mood was relatively calm. Hux, Mitaka, Finn, and Snap played poker while Kylo did tai chi in the sand and Jonah sipped margaritas on a lounge chair. The only feeling of competition came from the poker game, where cashews were being used as betting chips. Kylo and Hux were staying out of each other’s way, and no one else cared to fight over Snoke. All in all, it was like a mini vacation, Hux thought. No, more like summer camp, forced to share close quarters with strangers and one well-known weirdo. But still. He always liked summer camp.

“Knock knock!” A cheery Poe Dameron entered the living room, sticking out like a sore thumb in his pressed suit while all the contestants wore tee-shirts and board shirts. A handsome sore thumb he was, though, and all the men in the room felt that same surge of disappointment at Poe’s role as host, not suitor. “Finn, buddy, would you ask the boys outside to come in here?”

Finn looked around, surprised for a moment to have been addressed. He looked at Poe’s charming smile and nodded eagerly, rising to his feet. “Yes. Yeah. Youuu got it.”

When Finn returned with Thannison and Kylo behind him, Poe asked them all to take a seat.

“Today is an exciting day, guys. Up till now, the game hasn’t really begun. But now it’s time to start the dates, and thus, the competition. So, the first date card says,” Poe pulled out a message from a satiny envelope. “ _ We yacht to get to know each other better!” _

Hux and Kylo both groaned at the pun. Poe ignored them and finished reading. “ _ Jonah, Snap, Dopheld, and Finn—please join me for a nautical day at sea!” _

Finn rolled his eyes. “That’s redundant.”

Poe continued, pulling out a second envelope. “And later this evening, two of you with join Snoke on a two-on-one date at his favorite local Jazz club.  _ Hux and Kylo - I can’t wait to see if we have harmony.” _

In perfect unison, Kylo and Hux both groaned, “Fuck.” __


	9. Nine

The yacht was huge. Also huge? The awkward tension that hung between Matt and Techie in the crew van on the way to the dock. The two had been assigned, along with a few other crew members, to assist in recording the group date. While the contestants rode from the house to the yacht club in a limo, Matt, Techie, and the other crew dudes suffered in a too-snug, no AC van from 1982.

It had been two hours since they had sex in the trailer.

Techie wondered if the others could smell it on them. 

“I can’t believe this is the first date,” said Harry, another camera operator. “A goddamn yacht. A yacht! I’ve never been on a first date on a yacht!”

“I’ve never even been on a yacht. Or a boat that didn’t have a cartoon fish on the side,” Matt mumbled.

“What’s the best, fanciest first date you’ve all ever been on?” Harry asked.

“Fanciest, or best?” Techie asked. “Those are different.”

“Both.” Harry shrugged. “Either.”

Jenna, a sound tech, described a fancy steakhouse dinner with someone her cousin set her up with. Bruce, an older lead, remembers his first date with his wife: lots of weed and a Fleetwood Mac concert. Harry says he was once treated by an older female professor to an art exhibit followed by fancy appetizers on rustic wood trays. 

“My first date ever, I took a girl to the Olive Garden,” Matt said. “I was 16 and I wore a suit and tie. I thought I was really fancy.”

“That’s adorable.” Jenna said. Matt let out something like a grunt—he felt she was patronizing him.

“My fanciest first date,” Techie began, pressed too close to Matt to be comfortable. The van hit a bump and their shoulders knocked together. “Was when this classmate of mine in college took me to an opera. It was really weird. You can’t talk during an opera.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, “that’s like a fourth date or later kind of thing.”

“Right.” Techie said. “But my  _ best _ first date was definitely not the fanciest. It actually, uh, happened pretty recently.”

“Go on,” urged Jenna.

“Well,” Techie bit back a smile and carefully avoided looking at Matt. “It was pretty short, unfortunately. We’re both very busy people. But, um. It was nice to have some time together, just the two of us. In a cozy, tight, private space.”

Matt was drenched in sweat. Worse, he could feel the blood rushing below, feel himself hardening in his jeans. Shit. How was he supposed to concentrate on work now?

“Well, nice as that sounds,” Harry said, “it still strikes be as pretty unfair that we have all had pretty unfancy-fancy dates, and these guys are going on a yacht with some old sack of bones they have no interest in.”

“I’d rather be with someone I like than on a fancy boat,” Techie shrugged.

“Maybe,” Matt managed, barely avoiding choking on his words, “you’ll get to do both sometime.”

Techie smiled, looking at Matt’s big hands folded in his lap, wanting to grab one and hold it tight. “Yeah. Maybe.”

 

 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” This came from Kylo, who flew down the stairs two at a time, a beach towel slung over his bare shoulder. “I hate it.”

“I can’t believe  _ you’re _ here.” This came from Hux, who reclined on the couch reading a worn copy of  _ Solaris.  _ “I hate  _ you.” _

Kylo, unbothered, went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. “No you don’t.”

“You’re right,” said Hux. “Hating you would require me to care about you. Which I don’t. Not even a little bit.”

“Right.” Kylo found a bottle opener. “Same here.”

After a moment, Hux, peering over his book for the first time, asked. “Should you be drinking that?”

Kylo quirked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I just thought…”

“Relax, Hux. It’s none of your business.”

“Yeah, but…”

“What?” Kylo laughed. “Are you  _ worried _ about me? That would fall under the umbrella of ‘caring,’ wouldn’t it?”

Hux huffed. “Not worried. Unbothered. Don’t care. Not at all.”

Kylo smirked. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

Hux rolled his eyes and returned his focus to his book. He wondered, if he were on the planet Solaris, who the ghost-apparition-projection would be for him. He couldn’t think of anyone that mattered to him enough to be used by the giant psychic nuclei to torture him. He heard the hiss of the beer being opened, then Kylo’s obnoxiously familiar gulping, followed by a loud, satisfied  _ ahh. _

“Don’t worry,” Kylo said as he passed the couch and reached the sliding glass door. Before stepping through it and closing it behind him, he raised the bottle in the air and said, “it’s non-alcoholic. I just like the taste.”

The door smacked shut and Hux felt something relief, but only because Kylo had finally left him alone.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please feel encouraged to leave a comment :)


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